There was a time when I was a younger person (aka as a child), and i went to the candy store down the street from our house. Inside this candy store they had penny candy. Now for all you young people, penny candy was a real thing. You could go into a store and buy one piece of candy for the cost of a penny, not a dollar, but a penny. Those were the best days. Anyways, this candy store had everything from Swedish fish, to jawbreakers. On the right hand corner of the shelf was a new type of candy called Warheads. They were a tiny candy in the shape of a circle individually wrapped for your enjoyment. (my mouth is watering thinking about it.) I had no idea at the time that these candies were the most deadliest, sour thing I have ever eaten in my life. I decided to buy 10 of them.
If you have ever had a warhead, you know that they are very sour and can cause pain to your taste buds. Sadly, I was nine years old and not smart.
Now I had about 10 of these warheads in my hands and I thought “Hmm geez whiz, this sounds fun to eat all of these warheads at once and enjoy them all together not individually.” (Again, I am nine, and not very bright.) In the mouth they went. Blue, red, yellow, green, all the colors of the rainbow into that hole in my face. Now, I have been hit by a car and broke my leg, I kind of knew what pain was. It was about 3 seconds later that I realized what “real” pain was. My mouth twisted and shriveled in many many different directions due to the intense flavors of this sugary candy. In an instant my eyes were watered, and my gums of my teeth were on fire from the Warheads. Luckily I was alone by myself at the park so no one could see me crying. I mean if you cried at nine years old, you were considered a baby.
But I learned two valuable lessons that day. Never ever eat ten warheads at a time and also never open a candy store selling penny candies. You will never make a profit and survive. The store shut down a few years after the warhead incident, most likely due to kids complaining that their taste buds exploded, not because the store made no profits. My taste buds got burned off that day and I don’t think I have ever recovered. Actually, now that I think of it, I haven’t been able to taste certain foods. I wonder if being nine years old ruined my whole adult tasting career. I will never be a professional food taster anymore. My dreams are shattered… Oh well on that note, time to go get some fun dip and pixie sticks to finish of this work week.
Cheers,
Rex Felixx
P.S. my mouth is still watering from the sours
